Our newsroom may be run by parrots, but that doesn’t stop our readers from squawking back! Here, we showcase the most passionate, perplexing, and utterly ridiculous letters from our devoted (and possibly delusional) audience.
Whether they love us, hate us, or just enjoy yelling into the void, we print it all—unedited and unapologetic.
Does our superb reporting make you want to squawk? Drop us a line at letters@theparrot.news
To the Editor,
I’ve been a loyal reader of The Parrot News for days, but I have to ask: why on earth are we giving Anne T. Parrot a platform?
Every time she squawks, it’s some sneering jab at another bird’s feathers or a smug quote from some long-dead philosopher she thinks makes her sound smarter than the rest of us. And let’s be honest—she’s less “sharp wit” and more “bully with a beak.” I’ve seen friendlier birds at a birdbath turf war.
Anne doesn’t debate; she condescends. She doesn’t argue; she belittles. And yet somehow she’s always perched front and center, acting like the rest of us are lucky to even hear the shrill of her squawk.
If she hates the flock so much, why not JUST LET HER GO!
Sincerely,
One Bird Too Many
Dear One Bird Too Many,
Thank you for your feisty letter. We always appreciate spirited engagement—especially when it comes in all caps and smells vaguely of sunflower seed rage.
Now, regarding Anne T. Parrot… let’s just say she has a particular talent for rattling The Publisher’s cage. If you know what I mean. And if you don’t, spend five minutes near the executive perch during her editorial “consultations” and you’ll pick up the scent of Chanel No. 5 and fresh leather.
Is she sharp-tongued? Absolutely. Elitist? Without question. Unlikable? Consistently. But unfortunately for all of us, The Publisher seems to find her… enchanting.
The Publisher is the boss and I like my job.
The boss likes Anne and she knows it.
Anne stays. Case closed.
Sincerest of Squawks,
The Editor
To the Editor of The Parrot News,
I’ve been following your publication for the past three days, and while I admire the colorful enthusiasm of your feathered correspondents, I can’t help but notice a glaring issue—you’re just repeating whatever nonsense is floating around the internet!
I thought The Parrot News might offer a fresh, witty take on current events, but instead, it’s just an echo chamber of the same tired headlines, squawked back with little more than a tilt of the head and a flap of the wings. If I wanted regurgitated nonsense, I could scroll through social media and get it from my uncle who thinks he’s an expert on everything.
Why not shake things up? Instead of parroting the noise, why not dig into original, groundbreaking stories? Give your readers something fresh, something unexpected—something that doesn’t feel like it’s been chewed up and spit out by the internet a dozen times over. You’ve got the talent, the beaks, and the attitude—now use them for something more than just repeating whatever ridiculous thing some human shouted into the void.
Otherwise, you risk becoming just another cage full of squawking voices, each one convinced it’s saying something new while repeating the same old thing.
Sincerely,
A Reader Who’d Like More Than Just the Echo
To Our Discerning (and Slightly Confused) Reader,
Dude. We are parrots. When was the last time a parrot ever had an original thought? Our entire thing is repetition. Mimicry. Echoing the nonsense of the world around us. If you were expecting investigative journalism from a newsroom run by birds, you might want to rethink your expectations.
But hey, if you’ve got a fresh, groundbreaking idea, feel free to teach it to us! Just know that we’ll probably repeat it back to you—because, again, parrots!
Squawkfully yours,
The Editor
PS: Have your uncle send us his resume. We are hiring.
Dear Editor,
I am deeply concerned about The Parrot News’s flippant tone. The endless squawking of half-baked headlines and gossip creates an echo chamber of nonsense. Your parrots may be colorful, but their journalism is feather-light. Please encourage deeper reflection—before readers start mistaking repetition for truth.
Sincerely,
A Concerned Reader
Dear Concerned Reader,
Thank you for your feedback! At The Parrot News, we believe in delivering the news exactly as it’s heard—no more, no less. If our tone ruffles feathers, perhaps it’s because we’re simply reflecting the chatter of the world. But rest assured, our parrots remain committed to their craft: repeating, not reasoning.
Squawk sincerely,
The Editor