By Karen T Parrot
Oh Anne, Anne, Anne. That was years ago. I can’t believe you’re still mad that everyone loved my kale deviled eggs more than whatever sad, soggy finger food your team shuffled out of the frozen food section.
Girl, take a perch.
Let’s start with the eggs. Mine were a hit. You know it. I know it. The guests couldn’t stop chirping about them. They’re nutritious, patriotic (kale is green, hello), and yes—delicious. But instead of just admitting you got out-feathered in the potluck department, you decided to try and cancel me. How quaint. I will survive.
Now onto this most recent egg roll debacle. Your staff used egg rolls instead of hard boiled eggs in the Egg Hunt. You say it was confusion, I say it was cheap labor. You hired interns who wouldn’t know to spell hard boiled egg. That’s not on me, sugar. That’s on you. After all, who was in charge?
You can’t throw a brunch, flounce around in a pastel pantsuit, and expect magic to happen. Leadership isn’t about showing up and hoping for the best—it’s about planning, delegation, and maybe springing for staff who’ve seen a kitchen.
But what really tickled my feathers was the weather. Anne, you blamed me for the weather.
Let me be clear: I may control the room, the vibe, and the dessert table, but not the clouds. That’s someone else’s department. I might just happen to call on the Almighty, and sometimes, well, things just seem to work out in my favor. I don’t question it. I just call it divine scheduling.
I have to admit it though. I did not think He would take the term shit show quite so literally.
But Anne, I’m nothing if not gracious. So I’ll extend an olive branch. Next year, I’ll bring the eggs again. Heck, I’ll even label them—“Not Egg Rolls.” I’ll pray for sunny skies. And if your staff still can’t figure it out, well, there’s always gas station sushi.
In the meantime, feel free to use my Deviled Egg Roll recipe. Just in case you have left overs.
With love (and a pinch of paprika)
– Karen 🦜💅
#Eggcellence #WeatherOrNot
Karen’s Deviled Egg Rolls
For when your staff substitutes egg rolls for eggs.
Ingredients:
- 6 egg rolls (any condition will do—this isn’t a Top Chef audition)
- 2 heaping spoonfuls of mayo (the full-fat, real stuff—don’t bring that Greek yogurt nonsense)
- 1 squirt of yellow mustard (enough to raise eyebrows)
- A dash of paprika (or whatever red powder is trending)
- Optional: kale, to trigger Anne
Instructions:
- Arrange the egg rolls with the grace of an overworked intern.
- Slice them lengthwise, like you mean it.
- Scoop out the insides. Don’t worry, it’s not a metaphor (unless Anne’s reading this).
- In a bowl, mix the mysterious egg roll filling with mayo and mustard until it resembles a decision you can’t undo.
- Stuff the mix back in like everything’s fine.
- Sprinkle with paprika for that “deviled” flair—because nothing says elegance like aggressively rebranded freezer food.
Serving suggestion: Arrange on a platter and serve cold, like Anne’s attitude at brunch.
Pairs well with: Passive-aggressive conversation, unsolicited opinions, and a pitcher of sweet tea with extra shade.
Note: Not everyone gets Deviled Egg Rolls, but those who do? Probably aren’t allowed near the buffet anymore.
#KarensRecipes