By Karen T Parrot
Girls, I remember when TV was FREE. That’s right, right over the airwaves, no logins, no monthly fees, just you, your couch, and a good ol’ fashioned antenna. Now? Streaming services are bleeding us dry!
And now—gasp—Disney+ is raising their rates AGAIN.
Look, I get it. Princess skincare costs are through the roof. Those royal beauty regimens don’t come cheap. And let’s be honest, the princes? No jobs, no ambition, just riding around on their little white horses, waiting for some girl to do all the work. Sounds familiar.
And when was the last time Mr. Mouse even made a movie? I’ll wait. Meanwhile, they’re charging us more to scroll past a hundred remakes no one asked for.
Now, as a Premier Gold & Platinum Disney Time Share Member, I deserve some perks. First of all, I know y’all can’t change the weather, so let’s just put a dome over it and make it air conditioned. It’ll be like the mall!
Second, make a no-crying zone. I paid top dollar, and I shouldn’t have to hear a meltdown over a melted Mickey ice cream bar while I’m in full cosplay striking my signature slaying pose.
At this rate, Mickey better start working weekends, because I’m not paying extra crackers every month to fund yet another remake of the Lion King!
So, Disney, honey, step it up and do better. 💅✨ #StreamingScam #NoCryingZone #MickeyNeedsAJob