To The Editor,
I am absolutely reeling at the news that Karen—yes, that chronically squawking menace in a pearls-and-peroxide combo—is campaigning to close our libraries.
From what I hear, Karen is still flapping mad because libraries use the Dewey Decimal System and that makes it impossible to find her cookbooks. Ha! Trust me on this one, Dewey is doing us all a huge favor here, gastronomically speaking.
I urge The Parrot News to do the right thing and cancel Karen before she cancels enlightenment. Be warned! Because here’s the thing about birds who go to libraries: we also know how to organize. We know how to protest. And—we know your address.
Respectfully enraged,
A Literate Bird with Time on Her Wings