We’re proud—so very proud—to have McCloud Parrot as our official Storm Center correspondent.
His rain slicker is pristine, his rescue whistle purely decorative, and his forecasts? Well, they feel urgent, and isn’t that what counts?
So buckle up, feathered citizens. Whether it’s a drizzle or the wrath of nature itself, McCloud will be here ready to tell you just how bad it might be. Or might not.
– The Editor
By McCloud Parrot
Hi, I’m McCloud Parrot, coming to you live from the Storm Center, where the Doppler is whirling, the green screen is glowing, and the vibe is “mild panic in a raincoat.” We are tracking a massive weather system that could — and I stress could — delay Anne T Parrot’s Annual Egg hunt by as much as fifteen minutes. Possibly longer because Anne only allows white clouds in her selfies.
Let’s dive into the chaos, shall we?
Sources (that’s what we call other weather parrots who read the same press releases I do) say a significant weather event is swirling just off the coast just in time for the Easter Holiday. Will it hit your town? Possibly. Will it hit some other town we’ll mention vaguely and with little consequence? Also yes.
Could hit both.
Experts have coined this system “Storm Goliath” because apparently “Mildly Inconvenient Storm With Social Implications” didn’t test well with focus groups.
Big Storms Are Getting Bigger™
Once again, just like last year, this storm is bigger than the one before. That’s not speculation — that’s tradition. It’s what we in the biz call “seasonal escalation,” where each storm somehow surprises us more than the last one, despite being identical in every measurable way except size, severity, frequency, and unprecedented levels of atmospheric drama.
Is that climate change creeping in the back door again? Oh no, perish the thought. Surely these never-before-seen patterns are just Mother Nature getting quirky. Probably has nothing to do with decades of warming oceans, melting ice, or that uncomfortable graph I’m not allowed to show during the 6 o’clock broadcast.
Airport Chaos: Now With Extra Irony
The airports are, as always, experiencing Chaos with a capital C. Thousands of travelers stranded, again — just like last year, and the year before, and every year since people started flying places for “fun.” But this time, it’s news, because we slapped this year’s date on it and put a sad trombone riff behind a slideshow of exhausted people sleeping on their luggage.
Fun fact: the number of air travelers is up this year, which means there are now more people to strand. We call that exponential content. Stay tuned for b-roll of travelers blinking awkwardly into the lens, clearly not consenting to be on television but too tired to resist.
A Forecast Without Consequences
So let’s summarize:
- It might snow.
- It might not.
- It might rain sideways.
- It might just sort of… vibe.
But whatever happens, I will be here. In my perfectly dry rain slicker offering grave expressions and increasingly dramatic hand gestures while never stepping outside the studio.
Because if there’s one thing we’ve learned here in the Storm Center, it’s that weather is getting worse in ways we can’t legally acknowledge, and someone needs to stand indoors and look concerned about it.
So stay safe out there, feathered friends. And remember: if your town is buried under three feet of slush while simultaneously catching fire, that’s just nature being moody — certainly not a systemic trend.
McCloud signing out for now. See you next holiday when I’ll report on an even bigger storm.
#StormsForClicks