Our newsroom may be run by parrots, but that doesn’t stop our readers from squawking back! Here, we showcase the most passionate, perplexing, and utterly ridiculous letters from our devoted (and possibly delusional) audience.
Whether they love us, hate us, or just enjoy yelling into the void, we print it all—unedited and unapologetic.
Does our superb reporting make you want to squawk? Drop us a line at letters@theparrot.news
To The Editor,
I am absolutely reeling at the news that Karen—yes, that chronically squawking menace in a pearls-and-peroxide combo—is campaigning to close our libraries.
From what I hear, Karen is still flapping mad because libraries use the Dewey Decimal System and that makes it impossible to find her cookbooks. Ha! Trust me on this one, Dewey is doing us all a huge favor here, gastronomically speaking.
I urge The Parrot News to do the right thing and cancel Karen before she cancels enlightenment. Be warned! Because here’s the thing about birds who go to libraries: we also know how to organize. We know how to protest. And—we know your address.
Respectfully enraged,
A Literate Bird with Time on Her Wings
To The Editor,
I read, with rising feathers and flared nostrils, the recent letter calling for Anne T. Parrot’s removal. Fired? Fired? For what—squawking too truthfully?
Last I checked, this was still a free aviary. If Anne ruffles a few feathers, maybe those feathers needed ruffling. Not every parrot needs to chirp politely while pecking at millet. Some of us prefer a sharp beak and a sharper mind.
This attempt to cancel Anne is nothing less than an intrusion on the sacred right to squawk. Loudly. Snobbishly, if necessary. The world is full of chirpy yes-birds—Anne dares to caw differently.
I, for one, am glad to see The Parrot News standing firm against the real bully: censorship. Keep letting her fly.
In solidarity,
Fierce & Feathered