Our Mission
Welcome to The Parrot News
At The Parrot News , we squawk the truth as we’ve heard it—loud, proud, and completely unfiltered! Here at TPN, we believe in patriotism, the kind that comes with bright feathers, loud voices, and a deep devotion to repeating what we’ve been told. Thinking is for the birds—real birds, not us parrots. Our job is to take in the latest headlines, soundbites, and half-baked opinions and regurgitate them with confidence, clarity, and absolutely no context.
Our star reporters sit perched in their gilded cages, utterly convinced they have a front-row seat to the world. They listen intently—to the television blaring in the background, the frantic phone calls, the barroom debates, and the dinner-table diatribes—and then they repeat, word for word, exactly what they’ve heard. Analysis? Interpretation? Critical thinking? Never! Our journalistic integrity means never letting facts get in the way of a good, loud squawk.
Every day, our newsroom echoes with the latest in politics, world affairs, and celebrity gossip, all chirped out with unwavering confidence. Did someone say the economy is booming? Squawk! The economy is booming! Did another voice whisper that it’s on the verge of collapse? Squawk! The economy is doomed! Whatever the wind carries, our parrots deliver—because if you’ve heard it, it must be true.
So sit back, relax, and let The Parrot News keep you informed—whether it makes sense or not. After all, in a world where everyone’s just repeating what they’ve heard, why shouldn’t you wonder, “What the fuck?”
Passionate, Experienced, Repeatable
Meet our Talented Team
Get to know the talented individuals that drive the mission
Tucker T Parrot
Parrot
Tucker is a no-nonsense, old-school parrot with a deep love for farming, freedom, and the open road. Raised on a steady diet of classic country tunes and front porch wisdom, he believes in hard work, self-reliance, and the simple joys of life—like a well-plowed field and a sturdy pickup.
With his signature red trucker hat and wraparound shades, Tucker is never without an opinion on the state of the nation, often repeating the wisdom he’s picked up from talk radio and Sunday church socials. Whether he’s cruising down a dusty backroad or perched on a weathered fence post, one thing’s for sure—Tucker’s heart beats for America.
Karen T Parrot
Parrot
Meet Karen T. Parrot! ✨
Karen went to college in Alabama, where she found two great loves: old-time Southern cooking and her Lord and Savior, Paula Dean. It was there she learned to whip up classic comfort foods while praising Her name. A true patriotic God-fearing American, she proudly wears red, white, and blue, and believes no meal is complete without a little butter and a whole lot of faith.
When she’s not busy perfecting her famous biscuits and gravy, Karen dotes on her precious grandchildren and her little white dog, Snuggles. Whether she’s in the kitchen or at Bible study, you can always count on Karen T. Parrot to spread the good word—with a side of sweet tea, of course!
Tech Bro T Parrot
Bro with Dough
Tech Bro T Parrot is the ultimate crypto evangelist, self-proclaimed disruptor, and winged venture capitalist. Draped in a Bitcoin necklace and rocking designer shades, he lounges on riches while preaching the downfall of fiat currency.
When he’s not flexing next to his supercar, you can find him dropping hot takes like “Kill the Dollar!” and shilling the latest Web3 projects.
Trapped in a gilded cage but blissfully unaware, Tech Bro T Parrot is living proof that the real currency is confidence—and a little bit of seed funding.
Hon Susan T Parrot
Concerned Insider
Hon. Susan T. Parrot is The Parrot News’ most esteemed political correspondent, tirelessly working her Washington D.C. connections to get the real scoop. Known for her impeccable style—pearl necklace, tortoiseshell glasses, and sharp blue blazer—she delivers the latest news with authority.
Whether echoing the halls of Congress or repeating exclusive insider chatter, Susan ensures her audience stays informed with her signature conviction: “I’m very, very concerned.”
A veteran in political reporting, she’s revered for her ability to repeat exactly what she hears, making her a trusted (if slightly predictable) voice in journalism.